Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
