So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
