He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
