Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hippo gnu deer
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
