Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
