Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
