Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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