Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
