The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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