So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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