so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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