hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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