and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize