Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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