Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
