Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
