everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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