obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
