Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
