I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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