does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
