i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
