angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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