I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
