Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
