theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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