Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
