I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
