dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
