Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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