he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
