Define "chronic" masturbator.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
