your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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