i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
