she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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