We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
