He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
