the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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