Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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