just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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