Just cropdusted the office
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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