when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
