I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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