everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
