I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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