so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
