Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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