My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
