just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
