never play flip cup with pint glasses
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
