I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
