he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
