my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
