One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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