He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
