sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
