shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
