so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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