my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I lost the right to judge tonight
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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