In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dignity is for republicans.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
