My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
