for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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