I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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