he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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