It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He shit in the fireplace
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
