look no pants
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
