He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
