I want to have your abortion
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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