If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
