I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
