you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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