Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
