I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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