Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
