My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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