I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
