I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
