TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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