Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
