I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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