Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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