Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
