Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
