if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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