i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize