i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
