Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
