I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
