does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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